Getting Your Partner on Board

Getting Your Spouse to Live Healthy


Q: I'm trying to make healthy changes in my life — with what I eat and with exercise — and my husband isn't helping. He continues to live a very unhealthy lifestyle, and I can't get him to join me. What do you suggest?

A: It's sad how many times I've answered this question. In fact, the number one reason people cite for quitting any type of weight-loss or health regimen is their responsibilities to their spouse.

At the beginning of a relationship, we often enter into a silent agreement with our partner about how things will be and what roles we will play. If one person starts to make changes — positive OR negative — it can be very threatening to the one who doesn't want to change. That usually just means that he or she feels insecure at the prospect of your transformation in general. Such a transformation can be very scary to the other person, who may worry that you will outgrow the relationship and leave him or her for someone or something else.

Most likely, your husband has no idea that this attitude is undermining your resolve. Sit down with him and talk about how you feel about what is going on — and be sure to reassure him of your love. Give examples of how his behavior has sabotaged your efforts. If he reacts defensively, which is a distinct possibility, give him time and be reassuring.

I know this stuff is easier said than done. It's much easier to avoid this type of confrontation for fear of judgment, rejection, or abandonment, but you have to be brave and remember what is at stake. The bottom line is this: Do not let anyone or anything get in the way of your leading the happiest, healthiest life possible!

Are You Making Excuses?

It's also important to be honest with yourself about how much your partner is really affecting your attempts to lead a healthier life. Many people blame their partner when they themselves should take on more responsibility. It's easy to blame someone else when you don't make it to the gym in the morning, but is it really that person's fault? If you have a clear goal, your motivation and determination must come from within — not from an outside source. The support of your loved ones is invaluable, but those who always lean on someone else to motivate them will never succeed.